In January of 1911, The Yale Law Journal published an article entitled “The Negro Defined” which posits that it is integral to define the term in comparison with the term “colored” for legal reasons, given the climate of racial thought of the era. It brings to mind the “one-drop theory” but differentiates itself in that it allows for more than a drop to pass. The author determines after looking at different court cases of the time that a man is not considered a negro unless he has more than a quarter of African blood in his veins, any less than that and you are considered “colored”. After reading this I got a rush of images pouring through my consciousness from the Octoroon Balls of colonial Louisiana to Apartheid all the way to the debate over our current President’s blackness or lack there off. Since he, Obama, and I are both mulattos (another colonial term of racial classification) we are both Negroes by this article’s definition. But what does that imply in today’s society and is there still a difference in our consciousness distinguishing different types of Blacks? I believe there is but I do not think that it is based on biology or how visibly black one is, while that will always be a factor, in today’s day and age, socioeconomics play a bigger role than they did in the postcolonial age.
What do you think? Even though the term Negro is no longer in our popular vernacular what other synonyms can we substitute in its place today? Is there even a legislative dialog of this sort any more? And if not outright, perhaps it exists metaphorically.
🙌 the power of choice 🙌
Well hello there and happy Sunday! It is time for a new installment of The Report and well it’s a juicy one. For starters, I want to begin with expressing my gratitude to everyone that takes the time to read my blog. All seven of you, I appreciate it immensely.
Let’s start with the biggest party night of the year: Thanksgiving Eve. After work I went to the grocer and picked up my special ordered turkey friend, Gilbert, and a few other last minute grabs for my meticulously planned dinner the following night. I went home got in the shower to wash the day away, put on my apron and got to work. I popped a bottle of Pinot and played some tunes, my Toro Y Moi Pandora station, which I totally recommend ps. I was in the zone, and by midnight I had gotten a few texts from my friend Cesar who I had kind of drunkenly made out with for like two seconds the weekend before. He was inviting me for a drink and I was done with my bacon tart and yellow velvet soup after all. So I cleaned up the kitchen and headed over to a Gypsy Tuesday’s my favorite local dive bar.
Now here’s the thing about Gypsy Tuesdays, it is this super nondescript townie bar where you will find the most random cast of characters on any given night. Everyone has that spot in their hometown, where you know the creepers are and you end up with your friends when you want to go out but don’t really feel like it. So when I walked in, much to my surprise, it happened to be Karaoke Night (my favorite) and all my creeper friends were there and raring to go! There was Pablo my chivalrous yet toothless, Colombian cartel cast off, and Harold, the sweet and awkward tall silver “fox” who always sings Frank Sinatra or Johnny Cash. As I walk around the bar I say my hellos and air kiss the fans who come to watch me sing and dance, as I tend to do after a whiskey sour or two.
Anyway so I sat at the bar next to a couple that I know, Liv who I always called Rosa, because well I thought that was her name… But then oddly people one day kept referring to her as Liv and I’ve always been like umm.. What the fuck is that about? Okay so I digress, which as I write this sentence I’m realizing is kind of my thing….
So “Liv” is cuddled up at the bar with her boo, Teddy, a tall, milk chocolate, very clean cut and well put together, much older gentleman, I call him a classic Cat Daddy OG Pimp type john. And he is a john because his wife, Dolores, comes into the bar sometimes and well let me tell you it’s like turning on the light in a kitchen full of cockroaches; them bitches scatter, fast. Teddy is smooth, and always buys me a drink because I am a lady of course, a respectable one; one whom he flatters, and I may let him flirt with me a little, a spin on the dance floor here and there, but it’s purely innocent, on my part anyway. I am no fool to his intentions. He doesn’t hide them.
At this point it’s probably like twelve thirty and Cesar is not there yet so I sit with Liv and Teddy and sip on my cocktail while Suzy, who I’m pretty sure thinks she’s Christina Aguilera, belts something unnecessarily loud but yet adorably. As time go by more familiar faces come through and Cesar eventually saunters in and joins us at the bar.
It’s awkward of outrush because honestly, you ever have that person who you’re like not sure you’re into, or if you’re just bored…. Yea, Cesar. He’s older like ten years older, which really isn’t an issue for me because I’m totally into the older man thing right now, but I’m learning the more dating I do in that category, the older we get the more baggage we have. I mean, real shit, not like our twenty-something existential bullshit.
So yea like I dunno if I really like him, he’s so not my type physically even though we get along great. We can go out and party with the best of them, ugh in fact I’ll have to write a post up about my random night out to Outpost, in Brooklyn. And the fact that I’m note really that into him just became more and more painfully apparent as the night went on, which made me even more awkward and I had to be on my creeper shit because right across the bar… There he was, this 6 foot something handsome and rugged faced young man. I could tell from his build he plays basketball and well is then technically considered Kryptonite in my book. Lance and I made eyes at each other for more than two or three karaoke tunes. I really grabbed his attention though when I slyly performed my super laid back and too cool for school rendition of Paper Planes by M.I.A. No one on the corner got swagger like us, ya mean?
So yea I snuck away when I noticed him leave with the old head he came with, and I conveniently bummed a cigarette off of Teddy to catch Lance just in time as he was walking to his car. I stood outside and lit my menthol cigarette and put my foot against the brick wall like a disgruntled teen in a Molly Ringwald movie, like that bad ass gothic chick in The Breakfast Club.
Before he got in the car he turned and saw me and walked back over to say hello. In my opinion it took him way too long to introduce himself to me but as Liv told me at the bar, “remember honey, less is more.” This is something I definitely need to be reminded of because well I am an extreme extrovert, and it even annoys me. So we was quiet and honestly didn’t have much interesting conversation but he was so tall, and dreamy and um, yea of course I gave him my number. We have texted here and there but he is a man of few words, and I usually have too many. So yea, I can’t tell if he is into me or not. Karma is a bitch, ain’t it.
At this point Cesar is restless and even though not long before he had convinced me to stay and have another round rather than go to the studio and hang with my music cats there, he announces his abrupt departure and says that he’ll be back soon but he’s got to go to some other random townie local creep biker bar to say hello to his pals…..Side eye.
Too many in to drive to the studio at this point, and too hopped up to go home just yet, I decide to stay and chill with my acquaintances there for a while longer. Well I probably shouldn’t have and definitely should have gone home earlier because before I knew it, it was 3am and Cesar has come back to the bar just in time to walk me to my car and over enthusiastically face rape me. Ps that night I had also been molested in the bathroom by Liv, and offered a threesome by Gary the short guy who sings Sweet Transvestite from Trannsylvania and other Rocky Horror classics every Thursday night. What the…. I think there was a full moon.
Thanksgiving was great, I cooked all day even though I was slightly hungover the food came out delectably. I eventually passed out after dinner and dessert, out cold by 9 at the latest.
Last night I party hopped, starting off here in Lon Island for an anniversary party at the studio. It was the regular studio rats and the typical crew, mostly dudes, with the exception for myself, my best friend Lola and a few other cool chicks who either do music or date one of the dudes. It was cool, nice running into the old gang, a lot of us have known each other since grade school so it’s always great to toast together at this age. The love vibes kept flowing as I made my way into the city and was joined on the train by none other than, you guessed it, Cesar. He was also heading in to go to a friends party, also in midtown… the coincidence.
By some miracle just as the train was pulling into Penn, one of my friends Peter was walking down he aisle and I grabbed his attention. Turns out they have met before. See Cesar went to the same high school, around the same time as my siblings and Peter is one of my brothers oldest friends. We were both headed to their other dear friend and my surrogate brother, Apollo’s birthday party. So since Peter was there and Cesar and I aren’t together I got to avoid the whole I don’t want to make out with you but I know you’re going to try right now moment. Ah, relief.
Peter and I walked to through Times Square, it was about a quarter to midnight, the streets no less bare, no less bustling, if not more so and with lowered inhibitions. When we got to the party it was all love as was the theme of the night, my actually brother was there and so were all of his friends who have known me since I was born, literally. I feel so blessed to have them in my life and last night was just proof that I need to hang out with them more. It was even better to see some of there female friends who have been sisters and mentors to me at different points in life. They are all so successful and accomplished and I hope to be able to get their guidance as I embark on this silly thing called life. As some of these men haven’t seen me in going on five years you can imagine that some of them we’re flirtatious and my brother was there to shut that shit down real quick, which is hysterical but also kind of annoying. #LittleSisterProblems
It ends up yet again being another crack of dawn situation and by 3 we have closed out the lounge and are getting everyone situated. Since Peter doesn’t drink and Apollo has become the Incredible Hulk I hop in shotgun and Peter pulls off in search of. Halal. As we inhale falafel and lamb gyros Apollo decides that he can’t leave the city until he sees his girl, his dancing girl. And because I’m a good sister I agree to buy him a lap dance for his birthday. But at this point it’s almost four and I doubt we will make it in time. Low and behold Apollo is a regular and even though it was last call fifteen minutes ago we are welcomed in and I watch as Apollo and Peter break rank and like tiger sharks navigate the room looking for the right piece of ass. I sat at the bar and ordered a water, going into voyeur mode, watching the girls prance around the room barely dressed, tit soup to the left, I think to myself, “I’ve got better boobs than half these girls in here…” Peter eventually joins me, tired from an unsuccessful hunt. A cute and perky blonde comes to talk to us, assuming were a married couple, could this weekend get any more awkward and uncomfortable?
Apollo comes up to the bar also, with his darling who apparently has wondering when he’d get there. He introduces me as his little sis, I smile, ask her if there is still time for a dance for the birthday boy. She obliges and I had her a folded up bill from my bra.
I think I walked in the door just before sunrise….
You’ve gotta love this city.
- Yellow Velvet Soup (basically a squash and corn chowder) garnished with Spicy Prawns and a Jalapeño chutney
- Autumn Greens tossed with candied walnuts, dried cherries and Gorgonzola
- a Goat Cheese and Rosemary Crostini
- Gilbert the Turkey stuffed with Cranberries and Wild Rice
- Carmelized Onion & Bacon Tart
- Roasted Veggies a la Rustica
- Stuffed Mushrooms
- Sweet Potato Latkes
- Momma’s Mac n’ Cheese
- Nina’s Collard Greens
- Heather’s Cornbread Stuffing and homemade Cranberry Sauce
- Pumpkin Fritters & Vanilla Ice Cream
- Momma’s Sweet Potato Pie
- Heather’s Apple Pie
In life we all make mistakes. No matter what our situation we can all look back and admit to something we could have done differently; a situation you could have responded to better, or a choice you would change. That is totally normal but I used to beat myself up over it so much. I mean really, I would berate myself especially upon admitting that I am not where I hoped I’d be at my age. Oh, you have no idea, the depression I dug myself into over it. And its vicious cycle because then you become depressed about your lack productivity because you’re spending all your time feeling sorry for yourself. I call this the Victim Walk.
But I get it, and we all have disappointments, how do you just turn off your emotions? It was a humbling moment, when I realized I have kind of lived my twenties in a fog, hedonistic, living for the moment. While its been a great ride, exciting and interesting, I don’t feel like I was building, for the future. And I chose to start over.
This was not the easy choice and if it weren’t for my faith, this journey would be much more painful. I grew up in a mixed-faith household; my mother a born-again Christian, my father a non-practicing Jew. I was Christened, and my very name means anointed, so I, in essence, feel a connection to the virtues and spirit of Jesus Christ. And well, the first Christians were Jews after all so to me, we’re all the same.
Anyway, what I am trying to get at is that I have been on a path to enlightenment and what I’ve learned through my studies and efforts is that the manifestation begins within.
If there is something that you want and are struggling to achieve, I encourage you to have a honest conversation with yourself. Survey your spiritual landscape. What are you worshipping?
There may you find the answers to your inner most questions, doubts and personal mysteries.
What is beautiful about my new relationship myself, one based on a larger universal view, connected through mind, body, and spirit; one that combines my eastern and western leanings, is that it frees me to accept my truth without the judgment and condemnation.
I think the point is to be self-aware, not self-conscious. Once you have made the decision to open your eyes and see yourself honestly, the next battle is to love yourself unconditionally by simply taking actions, tangible efforts to be a better person. See the goal, the place that I am in, is that rather than beat myself up for not being exactly where I want to be, just work on getting there. All that condemnation is a waste of energy and so many of us spend more time beating ourselves up than we do on completing short-term goals, creating a solution, getting closer to the place, that enlightened, satisfying place.
Just know, that when you get there, you find a new inspiration, and start the process again, at a higher frequency, with more wisdom, courage and stronger vibrations.
Like Little Finger said, “… only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
Peace & Love,